Love is not a Victory March
by fakeituntilyoumakeit
Summary: They were together at the beginning, and they'll be together in the end. The story of Merlin and Arthur's great love story, starting at 5 and ending at 25. Merlin/Arthur Merthur Slash. AU. Contains death.
1. Part I

**here we are, PART I.**

**Let me know if I should continue?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the original series.**

* * *

_"It seems to be that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at at person, and see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is ... suddenly the only person you can imagine yourself with."_

_-Gillian Anderson_

* * *

When they're five years old, and running around Merlin's Uncle Gaius' backyard, with play swords and plastic shields, it's paradise because for once they can play what they want because Morgana isn't there. Morgana always insists they play princesss and princes and Arthur would much rather play Knights.

Merlin likes Arthur Pendragon. He's new, just moved here and he's very talkative and quite bossy but he's loud and energetic and funny.

(and the fact that Arthur punched Cenred King, who was making fun of Merlin's ears, his first day there didn't hurt either)

"I'm gonna marry you one day, Merlyyyyy," Arthur giggles, drawing his name out even though he knows Merlin hates it.

"And why is that," calls an amused Gaius, who straightens, clutching three uprooted weeds in his hand.

"Cause he makes my heart beat really fast!" Arthur announces and grabs Merlin's hand, placing it in the middle of his chest. "See! Feel it!"

Merlin blushes.

...

When they're six years old, Merlin and Arthur are sitting in Arthur's basement, playing with all the toys Arthur had gotten from his birthday. Their laughing and eating oatmeal cookies that Arthur's mom made. Merlin stumbles over a box of lego and Arthur laughs and Merlin scowls at him. "Meanie."

That's when Morgana invades. She's returned home from the movies with their father, and she's brought along Gwen, a mocha skinned girl with with curly hair whose even more shy than Merlin. Merlin feels a weird feeling in his tummy when she stares at Arthur and smiles and giggles quietly.

He's not sure why he stands so close to Arthur the rest of the day.

Even at a young age, Morgana is meddling. "LET'S PLAY WEDDING!" She announces, pleased with herself for coming up with such a splendid idea.

Arthur pouts. "I don't wanna play wedding."

"I do," says Gwen timidly and Morgana smiles.

"Then it's settled," She says and smiles, turning and starts kicking their carefully arranged lego kingdom out of the way.

"Hey!" Arthur cries indignantly, jumping to his feet. "Merlin didn't vote!"

Morgana doesn't seem to listen and turns back to them. "Gwen and Arthur can get married, I'll marry them, and Merlin can hold the rings."

Gwen blushes, and sneaks a peek at Arthur, who is oblivious to her. "Why do I have to marry Gwen?" Gwen looks hurt and Merlin elbows his friend and looks pointedly towards Gwen.

Arthur spares her a glance and then looks away, guilt in his eyes. "I don't mind playing wedding." Merlin speaks up for the first time. "I'll marry you Gwen."

Arthur looks astonished. "But Merlin! You can't marry a girl!"

Gwen looks confused, and starts playing with her hair. "But he's a boy. He has to marry a girl. You will too when you get big."

Arthur scowls fiercely and shakes his head, "Nuh-uh. I'm gonna marry Merlin."

Even at seven years old, Merlin flushes. "I'll marry you Arthur."

Arthur hooks his arm through Merlin's. "Kay," but the moment is too sweet for him. "You have to wear the dress, though."

"Prat," is the only thing Merlin says, but allows Morgana to slip the dress over his head.

...

They're seven years old, and Merlin and Arthur are laying on Merlin's bed, surounded by their halloween candy. They're having a sleepover, one of many, and Arthur is warm, comfortable, happy and has a stomach full of chocolate and candy. Merlin has a smear of chocolate on his cheek, and Arthur's hair is a mess, but they're happy, watching Cinderella on Merlin's tiny, portable DVD player.

Arthur loves sleeping over at Merlin's house. Merlin's mother works at the bank, and Merlin tells him quietly that his father ran off three weeks after Merlin was born. Hunith, Merlin's mum is a kind, strong woman who lets them eat all the chocolate they want, and gives them free reign of the remote when they watch TV. Merlin lives in a small apartment, with two bedrooms, a kitchenette and a mid sized sitting room. Arthur likes sleeping at Merlin's house more than he likes having sleepovers at his own house.

They're watching Cinderella, which turns out to be one of Merlin's favourite movies. "I want a Cinderella. Someone that looks just like her." Arthur whispers, snatching a KitKat and biting both at the same time. "That's who I'm gonna marry when I'm grown."

Merlin can't help but wonder how the plan that they were getting married fell apart.

...

They're eight years old, and they're in seperate classes. Merlin loves his teacher, Ms. Alice, whose a kind, old woman who always wears her gray hair in a braid. Arthur complain's non-stop about his teacher, Ms. Catrina who he's gotten into the habit of calling 'the old Troll.' Since Kindergarten, when Arthur moved here, they've been in the same class, best friends. Merlin can't help but worry that Arthur will find new, cooler friends than Merlin and forget all about him.

Nobody in Merlin's class really talks to him, but he befriends a small, mouthy boy named Will who somewhat reminds him of Arthur. Arthur of course, ends the day with a whole group of friends. Elena is a clumsy, blonde girl whose hair sticks up in the back. Percival is a tall, large boy who excels at every sport played in gym class. Leon is a sensible little boy with curly red hair and a love of getting things right in class.

When Arthur and him are in the back of Ygraine's car, Merlin asks about the juice stain on Arthur's shirt and Arthur tells him it's a long story, but he laughs while saying it.

_All his long stories used to be with me, _Merlin thinks wistfully.

...

They're nine, and Arthur has his first crush. Her name is Sophia, and Merlin can't stand her. She wears pink all the time, and wears her hair in ridiculous braids on the top of her head.

Merlin finds out about the crush when they're addressing Valentine's. Arthur's are store bought, with Ninja Turtles on them. Merlin's are made with sticker's, contruction paper and crayola markers. Merlin's just finished putting a girl named Sharon's name on one, when he notices what Arthur's holding.

In front of Arthur sits tubes of Morgana's sparkles, a package of newly bought markers, a row of smiley face stickers and some of his mother's thick, pink scrapbooking paper. "What the heck are you doing?" Asks Merlin, looking at his bestfriend like he's an alien.

"I'm making Sofia a card," says Arthur, drawing a clumsy heart in glitter on the front of the card.

"Why? Girls are icky," Merlin says, wrinkling his nose as if this made his statement a fact.

"Maybe, but Sofia is the least-icky," Arthur then proceeds to write Sofia's name carefully at the bottom of the card in black marker.

Merlin stares down at his cards sadly, suddenly not having as much fun anymore.

...

Arthur's crushed when Sofia hands him back his card, saying she had plenty of other ones and wouldn't be needing one "so dumpy looking". Thank god it was last period, and Arthur ran into his mother's car, slamming the door before Merlin could reach him and get it. When Merlin opened the door, he found Arthur, curled up in the backseat on the car, leaning his chin on his backpack and crying. His mother's watching in the mirror, but knows better than to push Arthur when he was upset, all that resulted in was yelling.

So, instead, Merlin rips open a pack of jellybellies and holds the bag out to Arthur, who shakes his head miserably. Merlin shrugs, and shakes three out into his palm, knowing Arthur wasn't someone who wanted comfort when he was upset. He left the bag open, between them on the leather seat, and watches out the window at all the hosues, and kids walking on the sidewalk.

He grins to himself when he hears the bag crinkle, and the sound of Arthur chewing.

...

The next day at school, Merlin finds his own personalized card, with MERLIN spelled out in block letters and a rather lame picture of a stick figure with yellow hair hugging a stick figure with black hair, both had large grins drawn in purple.

LOVE ARTHUR was the only thing written on the inside.

Merlin hung it in his room when he got home.

...

They're ten years old and playing soccer. It's Percival, Arthur and Tim (Percival's cousin) against Scott, Cenred and Leon. Merlin is sitting on the sidelines cross legged, reading while half-heartedly watching Arthur play. It's then that Freya sits down shyly beside him, folding her thin legs underneath her.

"Hi Merlin. What're you doing?" Freya asks, pulling her wavy hair over one shoulder.

"Nothing, really. Watching Arthur play," He replies, flicking the page casually.

"Why? You hate soccer." She asks, and then blushes. "I remember from gym class." Merlin looks at her like she's just asked the stupidest question in the history of the world.

" 'Cause Arthur's playin'."

...

They're eleven years old and Arthur's cousin Annis is getting married to some guy named Tristan, who Arthur says he's never met before. They're bringing Merlin along, so Merlin's in a borrowed dress shirt he's borrowed from Arthur and a tie that once belonged to his father. They're in the very back of the Pendragon's SUV, in front of them, Morgana and Gwen are gushing about eachother's dresses, and Merlin does have to admit, they both look really pretty.

Gwen's wearing a cotton purple dress and Morgana a silky looking green dress, and they're braiding eachother's hair and then unbraiding it and Merlin really doesn't understand girl's preening patterns.

Arthur is fidding with his suit, always uncomfortable in one, claiming them to be too hot and stuffy. Uther and Ygraine are discussing something about politics or weather or whatever it was grownups talked about.

Merlin is bored already and it does't get any better once they're at the actual wedding either. Arthur's cousin Annis looks great, but all Merlin remembers on the way home is the chocolate wedding cake with too much car is warm, and Ygraine is playing her soft jazz CD's. Gwen and Morgana are half-asleep, listening to Morgana's iPod. Arthur is asleep, slumped on his shoulder. His golden hair is flat on one side, and his mouth lolls open a bit, and Merlin is really hoping he doesn't start drooling on shoulder.

_At least it's his shirt,_ Merlin thinks ruefully.

...

They're twelve years old, and Merlin has his first crush. Her name is Sefa, and she's a pale, mousy girl with thin red hair and wire rimmed glasses. She's in his math class, and Merlin's been giving her extra help a couple Saturday's a month.

He really should have seen the signs when she wanted Arthur to tag along to Math help, even though Arthur's brilliant at math and Merlin assured her he needed no extra help. He also should have got the hint when she insisted on sitting next to Arthur every time they all hung out together, or how she offered to share her Shirley Temple with Arthur and not with him.

When he actually got the hint was when he walked in on Sefa trying to kiss Arthur. It would have been a funny scene if he didn't feel like he'd been punched in the heart. Sefa was leaning towards Arthur, hands on his shoulders and Arthur was cowering against the arm of the chesterfield, a couch pillow held up as a shield between them.

As soon as Arthur noticed him standing there, took in his expression and the tears in his eyes, he stood up, and stood over Sefa, looking more like his father than he woul ever admit in teh future. "Sefa. Get out."

The aforementioned redhead looked startled and the tinist bit hurt. "What? But Arty.." She whined, standing to face him.

That was when Merlin lost it. "HIS NAME IS ARTHUR. NOT ARTIE OR ARTHIE OR WHATEVER OTHER GOD AWFUL NICKNAME YOU COME UP WITH. AND I BELIEVE HE JUST ASKED YOU TO LEAVE! SO SCRAM! GET LOST!" Merlin screeched at her, stomping his foot as if to punctuate the sentence.

Sefa, crying now, leaps away from Arthur and grabs her coat, running up the stairs. Arthur is silent and bewildered looking until they hear his mother's confused voice and the front door slamming. Then they both burst out laughing. "You stomped your foot!" Crows Arthur, wheezing slightly. "I've only ever seen girl's do that."

Forgetting his broken heart, Merlin looks at his best friend. "Shut up, Prat."

...

They're thirteen years old and it's the first time Merlin's ever skipped class. They walked out to the outskirts of town, where the farms start. Farmer Odin is a grumpy old man with a grey beard and a cynical disposition. Basically, if you don't start a fire, Odin won't know your even in the orchard. Odin's farm consisted a large orchard, and several massive fields surrounding his shabby little cottage.

Arthur leads him to behind the orchard, where there's a patch of sparse tree's, and old shabby barn and a windmill that looked like it belonged in an eighties farmer-goes-crazy-and-masacres-everyone type movies. Merlin turns uncertainly to Arthur, whose grinning like a little kid. "You didn't take me here to murder me, did you?"

Smirking, Arthur nods. "You've figured out my evil plot. Then I'll hide your body in the barn."

They walk towards the sparse tree's, and Arthur smiles and plops down, indicating for Merlin to do the same. Merlin sits down beside Arthur gracefully, and leans back against the tree trunk. "What are we doing out here?"

Arthur smiles. "I used to come here all the time, when Morgana and I would sneak out," He puases, rolling his eyes. "You know, before she became a pyscho." The fourteen year old Morgana had turned into a moody tazmanian devil seemingly overnight, and it had baffled both Arthur and Merlin (and not to mention Uther) Ygraine seemed to be the only one in the house who understood. This didn't seem to appease Morgana, who handled her mother's support with screaming, whinig and slammed doors.

"Really. Why'd you never bring me here?" Merllin stretched his long, thin legs out in front of him, crossing his ankles.

Arthur shrugged, taking a KitKat out of his pocket and offering half to Merlin. "Arthur, we'll be best friend forever, yeah?" Merlin asks, nibbling on the end of one of the bars. Arthur, of course, bites both at once.

He looks at him like he's an imbecile, which Arthur probably does think he is. "Of course _Mer_lin. Forever and ever."

Merlin crinkles up the wrapper, smiling happily now. Arthur looks thoughtful, "In fact" he mutters, reaching into his pocket and digging around for something. He extracts his brand-spanking- new cell phone and something small and red. Merlin's confused as to what exactly it is, until he flicks out a short blad and smiles sneakily.

"Arthur!" Merlin's shocked, since when did Ygraine and Uther buy their children weapons? "Where the hell did you get that!?"

Arthur grins, proud that Merlin's so shocked at his knife. "My Uncle Agravaine brought it for me from Mexico." With that he turns, and starts carving something in the tree above Merlin's head. There's a scratching noise and slivers of wood and chips rain down on Merlin and he leans forward, running a hand over his hair to dislodge whatever was falling on him.

Arthur had his tongue between his teeth as he worked. "Arthur! Stop that! You'll hurt the tree!" Merlin cried indignantly.

Arthur, naturally, didn't listen to him, and Merlin sighed. He waited until Arthur announced - with a celebratory whoop of victory - that he was finished. Merlin leaned in to take a closer look, and couldn't stop his heart from melting when he read what Arthur had carved into the tree.

_ME + AP 4ever_

...

Merlin knew something was wrong when a tearful Hunith shook him awake at three thirty one Tuesday morning in the summer. Merlin groaned at first, his fourteen year old body protesting at the early hour of the morning. "Merlin, you need to wakeup. Merlin, Merlin it's Arthur." Merlin's eyes flew open, and he sat bolt upright, hearing the tone of his mother's voice mixed with Arthur's name was like a thunderbolt straight to the heart. "There was an accident, and Oh God - Morgana ... poor Ygraine, and Ar-Arthur, he's in the hospital."

Merlin didn't need to be told twice, he leapt out of bed, and threw an old tatty coat over his pj's, shoving his feet into his sneakers without socks. His mother drove them there quickly, as there were no other cars on the road. She filled him in on the story on the way there.

Ygraine, Arthur and Morgana had spent the day shopping, as Merlin already knew. They were birthday present shopping for Uther, whose birthday was the coming Saturday. They'd been crossing a busy street after a nice supper - Merlin instinctively knew she meant Nemeth's, because that is (was) Ygraine's favourite restaurant - when a drunk driver came speeding around the corner. By the time he saw them, still in the middle of the street, he didn't have time to stop.

Merlin's mind and heart were racing, adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Ygraine was dead, a broken rib had punctured her heart and she died from internal bleeding enroute to the hospital.

Morgana had a broken arm, but nothing too serious. Arthur had shielded her body when the truck hit them.

Arthur was out cold with several injuries. He had tooken a nasty blow to the head, and had a mild concussion, a broken ankle. He also had road-rash on his cheeks, but that would soon disappear. Uther had been the one to call Hunith, sobbing to her on the phone. Arthur had just got out of surgery, and had been calling out for Merlin when he called. He said he apologized for the late hour, but he was scared what would happen if Arthur awoke and Merlin wasn't there.

Suddenly, his mother wasn't driving fast enough. He was impatient, his legs fidgiting, aching to move. He felt like he could get out of the car and run there faster than his mother could get there.

Hunith glanced at her son and smiled through her tears. "Don't worry honey, he'll be fine."

and for the first time in his life, Merlin knew his mother was wrong.

When they arrived at the hospital, they were ushered straight up to where Uther was waiting. At first, Merlin was a little surprised, as family members were usually the only one's allowed to see patients. Then, when the nurse turned, he noticed a good chunk of cash in her pocket and smirked to himself, electing to stay silent.

When they found Uther, waiting outside what Merlin assumed to be Arthur's hospital room, Merlin's heart dropped like lead. Uther looked very pale and very small sitting slumped against the wall, perched awkardly on one of the aging pleather hospital chairs. Morgana was with him now, and Merlin went over and hugged her, mindful of her soreness. Morgana's hair was a mess, and she had black streaks from mascara down her face, and her rumpled clothing was accentuated by a bright pink cast on her left arm. Morgana defied him and hugged back fiercely with her nails digging into his back. He winced, but stayed silent.

Uther looked up at him as he saw Merlin looking at the door. "He's still asleep," he whispered. "But you can see him, if you'd like." Merlin nodded, and didn't glance back as he strode uncertainly to the door and pushed it open. The heavy door swung shut behind him, sealing off most of the noise from the outside world. Merlin drew a deep breath, trying to get up the courage, and turned quickly, expecting it to be like a bandaid; the quicker the better.

He was dead wrong.

Seeing Arthur in the hospital bed was the scariest experience of his entire life. Arthur's skin looke sallow and brittle, like someone had stolen all his health. His right akle was suspended slightly, and set in a bulky white cast. Stitches could be seen just below his hairline, and his cheeks were greasy with a salve and an odd, rough red color under the grease.

And his eyes, they were so blue and so sad and so-

wait. Eyes? His - his eyes!

He took a double take, and Arthur's eyes had indeed opened a bit, a fraction of blue able to be seen. Merlin's first instinct was to call for Uther and Morgana, but a small, scratchy strained sound caught his attention. "Mer-lin. Merlin."

His family forgotten, Merlin swooped down to Arthur's side, ignoring his protesting knees as he kneeled on the cold tile. "I'm here, Arthur. I'm right here."

"I need you," Arthur cried, his fingers tightening around Merlin's until Merlin could feel them tingling from loss of circulation. Well, he certainly hadn't lost his death grip. Which then reminded him of what he had lost. "Don't go. My mum -" A sob choked in his throat, and Merlin's eyes watered, thinking of Ygraine.

"I won't. It's you and me forever right," Merlin whispered, closing Arthur's good hand in between both of his and leaned his head on the bed, beside Arthur's shoulder. Arthur curled himself around Merlin the best he could, and sobbed into Merlin's hair.

It was only when Morgana and Uther came in to find Merlin sitting with his legs curled awkwardly under him, gangly height allowing him to lay his head comfortably on the bed, his wrapped around Arthur's that they smiled for the first time that night - it seemed one thing hadn't been completely shattered that night.

Merlin awoke much later that day, to the sound of someone leaving the room. He looked up, wincing at the pain in his neck and realized he was still curled up on the floor, but someone had placed a generic, hospital blanket around his shoulder's. His senses alerted him to the fact that there was something that looked mildly like food, and a bowl of green jello on the table beside Arthur's bed.

"You been here all night?" Arthur's voice startled Merlin and he jumped, snapping his attention onto Arthur, who was looking down at him with a blank face.

Merlin nodded, and didn't move his hand from clutching Arthur's, it felt too nice to move it. "I didn't want you to feel like you were alone."

Arthur's fingers tightened around his.

...

Merlin stays at Arthur's for the next month and sleeping on the floor in a nest of blankets and pillows on Arthur's plush carpet. He turns when his back begins to twinge. He'd done his best, but it just wasn't the same as when Ygraine used to make it up carefully for him. Uther's offered him the couch, but Merlin wants to be close to Arthur. So now he's laying on the floor, knowing his back will be paying hell for it tomorrow, listening to Arthur's sobs but keeping a distance.

He knew that if Arthur wants comfort, he'll say so, and he hasn't, so Merlin waits, and waits and waits. He spends weeks and weeks watching mindless reality TV with Arthur, helping him with whatever he needed, making him lunch and basically waiting for Arthur to break down. He finds time one day, while folding his freshly laundered jeans and putting them in 'his drawer', that it's a good thing it was Summer Vacation. At least Arthur didn't have to deal with pitying teachers and staring kids. Though, Merlin muses it's the middle of August, so they'd be back in school in about three weeks, and that definately wouldn't go well.

It was just after he'd finished this thought that the drawer was thrown open and in flew Arthur, shouler's shaking with sobs, and he tackled Merlin. They landed half on the bed, Arthur on top of Merlin. Merlin would have struggled, called him a clotpole under any other circumstances but Arthur clung to him like a child to a parent.

When he shifted and Arthur fisted the material of his sweatshirt, seeming to meld into the shapes of his body; Merlin stayed still, because he knows then that Arthur's broken and he needs comfort and support and he needs him.

So he wraps his arms around him, and hold him until his sobs go away.

...

It's awful when they start school, kids stare and Arthur pretends not to notice. He's strong, and he throws himself into soccer, practicing day in and day out. He looks stronger now, his muscles toned, but Merlin can't help but think how vulnerable he is. Arthur's friends obviously are at a loss about what to do, so they elect to act like nothing happened, hoping it might make Arthur feel like nothing had changed.

Sometimes, Arthur did. His life was the same as it always was at school, friends, sports, Merlin and eating hamburger's for lunch. His friends all laughed with him, not at him, and generally everyone liked him, even the teacher.

That bubble of normalcy is shattered when he returns home.

When he returns to his empty house. Morgana spent every waking moment at Gwen's house, just down the street and when she was home, she spent most of her time in her room, refusing to talk to anyone. His father spent all his time at work, or sobbing in his parents bedroom when he doesn't realize that Arthur's come home. So, following the Pendragon way, Arthur spends most of his time at Merlin's, staying the night way more than he used to.

Merlin's has proved his worth (as if he had any doubts) these past three months. He spends his time making Arthur laugh, sometime's falling over things on purpose. He glares at anyone who stares at Arthur like he's a freak ("what? You never seen a cast before, Isolde?") and he falls over things on purpose in an attempt to make him laugh. He stayed with him all August, sacrificing his summer to take care of him. He stood by his side, and rubs his back when he cries and holds his hand in the hospital.

...

Merlin watches Arthur incredulously, as he swaggers down the hallway of school like he just won a war. Never in their fifteen years seen Arthur act like this. It's the first anniversary of his mother's death; and Arthur was clearly acting out. Long gone were the days of the Golden Boy Arthur Pendragon - now he smoked, drank, and Merlin had found a stash of magic mushrooms in his sock drawer. His sock drawer. It was like he was asking to be caught.

Merlin reminisced to himself one day, after Arthur was once again sent to the principal's office, about Ygraine's funeral.

They were at Arthur's grandparents estate in the country, where are Pendragon's were buried.

Merlin, of course, goes with them.

Arthur makes it until after the funeral before he breaks. Uther has been staring at the minister blankly, as if he's a professor and Uther hasn't the slightest notion what he's saying. Morgana was strong at first, but fifteen minutes in is sobbing, clutching her Uncle Tristan's arm and balling like a baby. Arthur has a handful of dirt in his left hand, and Merlin's hand in his right. He drops it slowly, opening his fingers so the dirt crumbles through, some hitting the coffin, some landing on his shoes, some blowing away in the slight wind.

As soon as the minister closes his mouth, and people begin to shift, Merlin takes on look at Arthur and drags him away before anyone can do anything about it. He takes him back to his car, Merlin's that is, and they climb in the backseat together. Merlin's car is old and small and smells like McDonalds fries, febreeze and coffee, but Arthur burrows into the worn backseat and clings to Merlin like Rose Dawson to the floating door.

A blush spreads over Merlin's cheeks and he's not sure why he's blushing. Arthur has touched him numerous times, and hugged him just like this. He's punched him and shoved him and played with his collars but ... this felt more intimate. Arthur's long fingers twisted in the material of his jacket, face burrowed in the junction between his neck and shoulder, nose on his pulsepoint. Merlin could feel Arthur's lip pushed innocently against his neck and goosebumps broke out over Merlin's skin.

Ever practical; Merlin examind the evidence as he wrapped his long, thin arms around Arthur.

_Blushing, accelerate pulse, thumping heart, eyes fighting to close and his skin tingled where Arthur's lips touched his skin._

It suddenly dawned on Merlin, and he glanced down at the top of Arthur's blond head and thought;

_Well, drat._

* * *

**End of part I. Did you like it? Want to see part II? Review please!**


	2. Part II

**Here we are: Part two of Love is not a Victory March. Hope you all enjoy it.**

**AN: I used Vivian as the 'serious girlfriend', because however annoying she is, I actually found her quite amusing. And because I can't stand Arthur/Gwen. And, just in case anyone was wondering, there will probably be about four, maybe five parts to this. And yes, this one is a bit shorter than the last, but please, just wait until you see the next chapter. It's the Godzilla of chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the original series. **

* * *

"_Before I wanted to say: "I found love!" But now, I want to say: "I found a person. And he belongs to me and I belong to him."_

_-C. JoyBell C._

* * *

They're sixteen, and things are pretty much as platonic as ever.

Merlin practically pranced through the snow on their way home from school – kicking up his heels and enjoying the sting of December's wind on his nose, decked with knit wool accessories and a poofy orange parka. Arthur walks slowly behind him, as if he was trying to make it look like he was walking behind Merlin instead of with him. Naturally, Arthur was wearing a simple black coat, black gloves and a designer scarf that was a bland shade of grey. Merlin was glad Arthur was finally able to wear black again.

For seven months after his mother's death, Arthur refused to wear black. Merlin had been completely clueless as to why, he assumed it was some weird new thing of Arthur's and left it alone. After all, refusing to wear black was much better than smoking and drinking and partying and doing drugs. That had lasted three months before Uther found out and threatened boarding school in America.

Arthur knew he wouldn't last long without Merlin. So he cleaned up his act.

It's only one day, when they're both slightly delirious because it's four thirty in the morning, and they've just had an intense COD gaming session, and Merlin's fingers are so stiff that he's not sure he'll ever be able to move them again. They're laying side-by-side, and Merlin is extremely aware of Arthur's breath, the movement of his eyes, that his thumb is resting on top of Arthur's pinky finger.

"Arthur," He wonders if his voice has always sounded so child-like. "Why don't you wear black anymore?"

Arthur is silent for a while, and Merlin begins to think he's fallen asleep, until he answers in a hard, but breathy whisper. "I don't want people to think I'm in mourning."

...

"Merlin, why haven't you ever had a girlfriend?"

A seventeen year old Merlin almost chokes on his juicy fruit, and whips his head around to look at Arthur, whose eyes were still on oncoming traffic. This is the question that Arthur springs on Merlin, Friday morning in his glossy sports car on the way home from school. Merlin is sitting with his knees propped up on the dash, enjoying the cool blast of the air-conditioner on his face. Merlin looks at Arthur and when he connects with that oh-so-familiar blue, he feels his stomach drop. He looks at Arthur, whose hair is a little messy, and whose shirt is buttoned incorrectly, with his face flushed from the warm temperature.

And Merlin does the only thing he can do without accidently blurting out 'Well, it's a funny story. See I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you since we were five.'

He shrugs.

...

The next day Merlin asks out Freya, who's had a crush on Merlin for decades.

Arthur sighs loudly when he's informed, and rolls his eyes. "Honestly, _Mer_lin. It was only a question. You didn't have to go and hop into bed with someone."

Merlin can tell he's not saying it to be nasty, that it is not meant to be teasing, but his heart constricts painfully.

"If you're so jealous, perhaps you need a bed to hop into as well."

Merlin feels like his heart was just stabbed with a knitting needle.

...

The next day, Arthur asks out Vivian.

Merlin regrets his words in the car immensely.

...

They're on the phone. Arthur on one end, watching some type of crime show, with Merlin on the other end, finishing up the last of his Biology homework. "Her? _Really_? Vivian Brown?" Merlin questions, scratching his name at the top, along with the correct date.

"She's hot." Arthur shifts, and Merlin can hear the slight thump the headboard whacking the wall. Arthur must have rolled over.

"She's barmy!" Merlin cries indignantly, zipping his pencil case harsher than it needed.

"I repeat Merlin, she is hot. Hot. All the guys think so."

Merlin rolls his eyes, pushing his backpack off the bed with an unceremonious _whump._ "Well, what do you think?"

There is silence for a bit, a long bit and Merlin brings the phone away to check that he hasn't ended the call by accident. Sure enough, Arthur's name is still flashing on the screen. "I gotta go." Arthur says abruptly and Merlin frowns.

"Wait Arthur I-''

"See you tomorrow." Is the curt reply, and there's a beep and nothing else.

...

Merlin endures Vivian for a week. She's obnoxious and rude and literally treats him like a servant – not to mention she keeps calling them all by the wrong name. Leon has become Leonard. Percival has become Peter. Elena has become Emily and he has become Marvin. He knows she can't be that stupid, and does it just to be extra vile. When he voices these thoughts to Freya – who is still his girlfriend, after two long months – she chastisizes him, saying Vivian can't be that bad. But Merlin knows better, because even sensible, give everyone a chance Elena hates her guts.

...

In theory, Merlin knows that Arthur does a whole lot more with Vivian than kissing, as shown by the hickeys that are generally scattered on both persons – though seeing them on Vivian makes his blood boil, because it was _Arthur's_ mouth that put them there, _Arthur's _mouth that was on her – but he definitely isn't prepared to see them swapping spit in the school cafeteria.

He suddenly loses his appetite.

...

He's on facebook that night when he decides to do some internet 'creeping' as Leon calls it. He scrolls through his friends list – because Arthur's girlfriends always added him, for reasons only known by them and no one else – and finds her. Vivan Brown. Her facebook profile is full of posts of other popular, bitchy girls posting things like:

'lololololololololol vivi! kewl partyyyyy last nite. i am still wasted! luv yu bbg! Ttyl!'

'caant w8 4 tonite. Lmao. Gonna b so much fuuuun.'

Vivian's status's are all posted in moronic shorthand, using 'u' instead of 'you' and not capitalizing when capatilization is needed. Merlin suddenly wonder's what on earth Arthur is doing with this girl, because he knows that Arthur hates improper grammar. He's having a swell time, making up nicknames for Vivian and sorting through all her posts, snickering at her stupidity when he sees one particular photo.

It's of Arthur and Vivian, crammed in the backseat of a car, between Owain and Kay – who of Arthur's football mates – and smiling into the camera in Vivian's outstretched hand. He clicks the mouse by accident, his fingers slipping when he glances away for a second, and up pops another picture – at a basketball game that Merlin couldn't attend because he had a big Math test to study for.

_Click._

Them laying on Vivian's bed.

_Click._

Them in the drama room at school.

_Click._

Stereotypical photo booth pictures.

_Click. _

Them kissing at the mall.

_Click._

Them hugging in a mirror.

_SNAP._

Merlin shuts his laptops closed.

It`s only when he's cleaning his room the next morning, trying to ignore his stinging eyes and aching chest, when he finds it. He's sorting through an old box of junk, when out falls an old, dusty and quite cracked DVD case. He looks down, wiping some dust off with the sleeve of his robe and reads the bright title.

**Cinderella**

He smiles a little, remembering all the childhood hours spent in here, the times they watched the Disney classic, when he looks down and gets a good look at the case. Smack dab in the middle is of course, Cinderella and he brushes a finger over her face.

Suddenly it hits him like a school bus.

That smooth, angelic face, the big blue eyes, the feminine body, the fluffy bright blonde hair – they were so familiar to him.

Familiar because Vivian looks like a modern day, real-life version of Cinderella. Mind you, she acted nothing like Cinderella, being kind was more Elena's style – but the thought still stood.

"_I want a Cinderella. Someone that looks just like her," Arthur whispers._

A seven year old Arthur's voice echoes in his mind as he tosses the DVD case away, watching it crash into the wall opposite to him, and it flips open, the DVD rolling and turning over just beside his dresser.

...

Merlin and Freya break up. It's not fair to her, he realizes. She's genuinely beginning to fall for him – and she tells him so – and he can't allow himself to lead her on anymore than he already has. He ends it gently, and although Freya cries and he feels terrible, she thanks him for being so honest, and Merlin hopes they can still be friends.

...

Arthur is strangely happy that Merlin and Freya broke up.

Merlin's stomach quiver's at his grin.

...

Arthur and Vivian go to Arthur's eighteenth birthday party as their six-month anniversary date. Merlin doesn't go to the bar with them afterwards, a little fact that Arthur 'forgot' but Merlin suspects Vivian has some hand in it. It's not like he missed out on all the fun, just the boozing at the bar they all went to at 11. Not that Merlin would ever, ever, get drunk around Arthur (lest he give into his desires and shove him against a wall and snog him soundly)

Arthur of course receives a car from his father. A sleek black thing that looks fast even when it's stopped. Percival and Leon give him tickets to some sort of sporting event that Arthur whoops in excitement for. Vivian gives him a new sweater – which Merlin thinks is ridiculous, because Arthur used to hate it when his own mother picked out his own clothes – but Arthur smiles in a strained way anyways, pecking Vivian on the cheek.

Merlin, however, gives him gift card to the new mall being built outside of London, as well as suite package and a promise to take him there one weekend for a 'wicked weekend of spending and arcading'.

Arthur grins even brighter, and unbeknownst to Merlin, his heart is pounding just as fast as his.

...

Three days later, Arthur shows up drunk as a skunk on his doorstep at three o'clock in the afternoon on a Saturday. Merlin silently thanks god that his mother's working today until eight. He'd been at the bar with Vivian, Valiant, Percival and Kay. Elena and Leon have pretty much abandoned Arthur, they're detest of Vivian is so strong and Percival can only stand to be around her when he's very drunk. Merlin couldn't go, because it's still

He suddenly takes in Arthur's appearance. His pants are on backwards. His shoes are untied, his face is flushed and he smells like perfume and sweat.

"I slept with Vivian."

The words pierce Merlin's body, like ice shards through his heart and enter his veins, making his chilled and frozen. His mind is racing, and a part of his wants to believe that Arthur's kidding, but all the evidence says otherwise.

"My mum'll be home soon. I think it's best if you leave."

...

Merlin and Arthur don't talk for two weeks.

Morgana goes with Arthur to the mall.

Arthur can't think of anything except Merlin.

...

It's the longest they've ever gone without speaking.

Arthur tries talking to him, not understanding why he'd suddenly gotten the cold shoulder. Merlin feels the sting of humiliation and the tinkling of shattered dreams every time he's near Arthur.

So he continues not speaking with him.

...

Arthur is sick and tired of being ignored by Merlin; and he knows that this whole thing is stupid, and he doesn't understand why Merlin is so – well – so pissed that he slept with Vivian, or why he told Merlin like he did, why he didn't... then he wonders why it even matters to his best friend that he slept with a girl. Weren't guys supposed to be bump fists and whoop or something? At least, that's what Percival had done when he'd told him. He doesn't even try to explain these jumbled thoughts to Merlin; because he'd most likely see the absence of logic and call him a clotpole. He misses it just being the two of them, together until the end. He misses just hanging out at Merlin's – no Leon or Freya or Morgana or Vivian – just them, in their pyjama's, watching old episodes of Spongebob in Merlin's cramped room.

He misses the times when all they needed was each other.

And it was with this knowledge that he found Merlin in the library, tucked away in the back corner. His long body folded and twisted to sit comfortably in one of the large, overstuffed chairs. He sits on the arm of Merlin's chair, conscious of the fact that his knee is touching Merlin's thigh.

"Merlin-'' The flash of blue eyes tells him that his best friend is listening to him, but before he can get another word out, Mr. Monmouth is bustling around the corner, wheeling a cart stacked with dictionary's like it's stacked with gold bars and shushes him with an obnoxious "SHHH!"

Arthur's eyes watch Mr. Monmouth disappear around the corner with his precious cart, and he turns back to Merlin, who is smiling shyly at him.

So, instead of risk being caught talking again and kicked out of the library – he leans forward, unknowingly resting his hips on Merlin's thighs, which immediately flusters the brunette – and breathes steadily and quickly on the window's unblemished surface. He then smirks a bit, and lifts a tanned finger, carving shapes into the mist his breath has caused, apologizing even though he's not quite sure what he's apologizing for.

He then looks at Merlin one last time, and tries to ignore the feeling's stirring in the pit of his stomach, and picks up his laptop, and troops out of the library.

Merlin is stunned as he watches him leave. Stunned by everything. By the curve of his fingertips. By the press of his hips and flicker of gold lashes across smooth skin. He raises his head, craning his neck to read what Arthur had left him on the window.

"_Forgive me yet? _

_-A"_

...

Nobody is surprised when Merlin and Arthur are once again joined at the hip the next day.

...

Vivian is the only one shocked when Arthur dumps her that very same day.

...

Its graduation and it feels like doomsday. Everyone is leaving, splitting up and there are people that Merlin will never see again in his life. As he stands in line, in between two girls he's never spoken to, he looks for his mother's face in the crowd. His mum's already crying and smiling and giving him a cheesy thumbs up and he is not embarrassed at all, because he knows how proud she is. Uther Pendragon is sitting beside her, stoically and claps when the action is expected. Morgana is sitting on the other side of his mum, looking radiant and back apparently, from Paris where she'd been studying Fashion design.

He looks down the line of about 100 or so people, and finds his friends. Leon is off to America for school, attending college in Manhattan. Percival is going backpacking around Eastern Europe for the year. Elena is going to Oxford (on a scholarship) for Women's studies. Will, his old buddy from way back when is taking a year off to work, and then decide about University. Arthur's been scouted by a professional football team, and will begin training when the season's over (Uther was none too pleased that his only son wasn't attending business school like it was always planned) He himself was going to Cambridge for the study of Psychology.

He smiled suddenly, remembering when he'd informed Arthur of his plans.

"_Psychology?" Arthur has blurted over the phone. "Why on earth would you want to study Psychology?"_

"_So I can fix all your issues."_

...

It's the night of the dance, and everyone is getting ready. Percival and Elena are going together, as surprisingly, not friends but dates. Leon is going with a sporty girl named Isolde, who he's always had a bit of a crush on. Will is going solo, he'd told Merlin over facebook, and planned to, and this is quoted "Find that girl whose been dumped at grad and give her a reason to stop crying."

Arthur and Merlin?

They're wearing a sweatpants/longsleeve and plaid-pajama-bottom/sweater combo respectively, and leaning against their tree in Farmer Odin's backfields. It's a nice night, though a little chilly, and their leaning with their shoulder's touching, and Merlin tries to control his breathing.

They spend their night reminiscing over past memories, talking about old memories and promising to always be best friends. Arthur's half in the bag – compliments of a bottle of spiced whiskey in his left hand – when he leans over and plants a kiss on Merlin's cheek and whispers "Love you Merlin."

Merlin stiffens, blood rushing to his nether regions at the simple touch, and hastily stands, proclaiming it to be getting chilly. He's glad he has his drivers now, when Arthur has trouble walking in a straight line to the car.

...

They go their separate ways, though they text all the time, and Arthur makes the hour and a half drive to Cambridge every weekend, no matter how tired he is from training. Arthur sees a woman named Mithian and brings her to Merlin's birthday in December, but after only three weeks she's hearing wedding bells and Arthur hightails it out of there.

But Arthur's coming today, he should be just about there, and Merlin has a surprise for him.

He's going to tell Arthur he's gay.

He's always known, he thinks, when his body had more of a reaction to Arthur than to girls. He's always preferred a man's body to a woman's (just for looking of course, he's still a virgin) But now he defiantly knows.

Arthur arrives, and as usual lets himself into Merlin's dorm room. But now, Merlin is hyper aware of everything Arthur does. He's keenly aware of Arthur's breathing, of the shuffle of Arthur's trainers on the cheap carpet of the dorm.

Arthur rounds the corner, and tosses his coat on Merlin's bed, rubbing his hands because he didn't bring gloves even though it's February and freezing outside. He's looking utterly gorgeous, as always and Merlin's heart stops for a moment.

They go through the usual routine of hugging and laughing and the banter ensues and questions about the other's week – what've you been up to? Pass that exam you had Wednesday? How's your mum? Heard from Morgana this week? – and Arthur starts laughing.

"Oh I've heard from her alright." He pauses, leaning back in Merlin's creaky desk chair. "Last week she came back home – after a whole five months of staying in France – and boy did she have a surprise for father."

Merlin quirks an eyebrow, momentarily distracted. "What? Is she sick? Dropped out of school? Married an American hipster?"

Arthur snorts, but shakes his head. "Nope. She's pregnant."

Merlin's eyes bulge out of his head. "Pregnant .. but – she – wasn't she just- and you said that - oh my god."

"You should have seen father's reaction."

"_How _pregnant?" Merlin asks, trying to conjure up a mental image.

"She said she was almost four months. She just has a little bump," Arthur actually smiles a bit. "She refuses to say who the father is."

"Is she scared?" Merlin feels sympathy, and makes a note to email Morgana later.

Arthur makes a non-committal noise. "On the contrary, she seems pretty excited." Arthur smirks. "I can't wait until the kid is born. I'll be an Uncle! And you'll be one too! How weird is that."

Merlin's mind finally refocuses on his original life-altering confession and takes a deep breath. "Well, Uncle Artie-''

"Don't call me that."

"I have to tell you something," Merlin's tone is nervous without him meaning it to be.

Arthur narrows his eyes a bit, and looks him over. "You aren't pregnant too, are you Merlin?"

He snorts, tension broken and smiles. "No. Not pregnant... Actually-'' His stomach clenches and he clasps his hands together behind his back. "What I'm trying to say is ... Arthur – I'm – I'm g."

Arthur leans forwards.

Merlin's muscles all contract as he forces the words out. "I'm gay."

There.

Nothing happens. The word doesn't collapse. The sky doesn't turn red.

Arthur just stares at him, not moving with an unreadable look in his eye and Merlin's world falls out from under him for a moment. He'd been so nervous about actually saying it that he hadn't thought about Arthur's reaction. What if he hated him? What if he called him a fag? What if-

"Okay."

Merlin's breath returns with that one single world. "Okay?"

"Okay Merlin. You're gay. That's cool."

Merlin feels a rush of emotion so powerful that it almost bowls him over.

Arthur, naturally, takes this moment to be a prat. "Well, I mean, really, it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise. I mean really Merlin, your favourite movie is Cinderella and-''

Merlin doesn't hear a word that Arthur says.

All that registers is that Arthur is sitting in front of him – all tousle haired and wearing that knit sweater that Merlin bought him for Christmas, and laughing at his own remarks and accepting him and years of feelings crash upon Merlin like a typhoon and words slip through his lips before he can stop it.

"I'm in love with you."

* * *

***SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC***

**thanks to: ILOVEHULK, Merthurfan1, Guest, tank602,Loving Dragon1 and Lady from Poland for reviewing! **


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